Years in review

Hello to whoever is reading this blog.

Since we are almost at the end of the year and 2018 is around the corner I decided to look back in my life by reading my old diaries. I have collected memories and thoughts since I moved to London from Italy back in 2013 and to be honest with you they don’t start in the most joyful way.

The first page is from December 2013 and I had just lost my job it was a cold morning and I felt like I had nothing left. The title of that page is “ Desperation”.

Yes, I know I am a drama queen.

The pages go on an on,and the situation got better, I had ups and downs that year, more downs than ups.

Great things happened in 2014 went to my first real concert (Katy Perry, don’t judge, I’m a huge fan) new job new house, same friends.

I learned a lot that year from my friends and experiences. I think it was the year when I realized who I really am and figure out where I really belong.

I was still a little confused girl by the end of the year and as usual I was an emotional wreck, but the first pages of the diary in 2015 opened with a bright start.

2015 was the year when I settled my self down a little. Found my routine, my places, my little group of friends. There was still though a little darkness in me. In that year, as the year before, I’ve had massive mood swings, for no reason. In 2014 I just let them “control” me, making me feel lost, sad and alone even though I wasn’t. In 2015 I was more concerned about it, decided that those mood swings were unnecessary and they were just ruining my life, so decided to power trough, it wasn't easy.

The most used word in the pages of the diary in that year is “stress” I was stressing my self (as usual) because I was almost fighting with my mind. I kept overthinking about stupid things, so while a part of my mind was busy overthinking the other one was focused on trying to carry on with the day without the interruption of any mood swings.

And that’s when I also started to have panic attacks. I used to have panic attacks in the most weird situations, at work in the morning, after a good night out with friends. Hopefully I had and still have people around me that know how to calm me down.

In 2016 I found a little of peace with my mind and I didn't wrote much on the diary, I just attached to the pages some pictures, concert and flight tickets. It must have been a good year.

And now here we are, at the last weeks of 2017, lots have changed in those four years.

I am still the same confused girl, a little older now with lot more of experience. I’ve almost managed my mood swings and panic attacks, I still sometimes find my self in a dark space but I am able to see the light at the end. I still don’t know what is my real path in this world and I still like Katy Perry.

Reading my old thoughts helped me a lot. It showed me how much I’ve learnt and how much I grow up. It showed me that if I want I am capable of doing good things with my life, I only have to believe in myself a little bit more.

It showed me that I always have people that I can count on and love me and that even if I think I am alone, I never actually truly am. It showed me that some things don’t really change and that some things for your own happiness have to change.

I am now curious to see what I am gonna write in 2018, and if I do I’ll report back next year.

#facts #lonodn #love #years #2017 #review